It’s Sunday night. My album comes out tomorrow. I feel a bit sick. That horrible night-before-school feeling times six or seven. Nearly all the reviews are great. I had a stinker today, though. So that’s the one I’ll remember. Not the four stars in the Sunday Express. It was practically illiterate and revealed the ghastly taste of the reviewer but it still smarts. I was asked to review something for The Independent once. I found criticising other people wasn’t for me. Last time some cock decided to bring my children into their critique of my CD. I still want to slam their fat head in a car door till my arm gets tired. But, that’s the risk you take when you put something out. There are a lot of Jan Moirs out there.

I was on the Andrew Marr TV show this morning. And nothing went wrong! Except the sign on my dressing room door saying “Boo Heweroine”. I’m not actually sure that can be said. Not with teeth, anyway. Afterwards the guests had breakfast together. I really enjoyed Clive James’ company. It was also interesting hearing the inside story on chair throwing politicians, huffy radio presenter/authors and appallingly rude party leaders. The woman who did my makeup (I was airbrushed, quite pleasant) had done Nick Griffin’s a couple of weeks ago. What’s going on?

This afternoon I watched my friend Keith Donnelly do his children’s show. I was full of admiration for the way he entertained potentially unruly kids. I once saw him in Australia running around in a tent with 3000 people in it while he was dressed in a Yosemite Sam rubber body suit. He was singing YMCA. It was about 100 degrees. I’d like to see Liam Gallagher do that. Maybe.

Tomorrow I am recording some demos for Chris Difford’s album. This is our second record together after last year’s Last Temptation Of Chris. I thought of that title. Do you see what I did there? We write the songs together. It is probably the most fun you can have as a songwriter. You can keep your mechanical bulls, sparkly pink cowboy hats and Red Bull and vodka, this is real fun. Though combining the two might make it even better. Tuesday I go to Dublin to work with Nick Kelly on his Gestation project (http://gestationproject.wordpress.com). On Wednesday night we are playing together at Whelan’s. This also will be tremendous fun.

Friday I’m doing a gig with Eddi Reader at the Pitlochry Festival theatre. After that I’m helping Heidi Talbot with her new record and then my mammoth tour starts. What a brilliant time I shall have! Unfortunately it’s the night before my album comes out so I feel queasy and jumpy. I’m aware that this blog is as funny as an autopsy and I promise to put on my comedy trousers next time. In the meantime please bear with me. It’s a bit like waiting to be punched by one of the big boys at play time.

I shall try and muster one laugh. I heard this announced on the radio a few years ago: “Irving Berlin, the man who wrote three thousand songs, in five minutes”. Oh God, butterflies the size of dogs.